I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
