there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
