I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
