Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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