ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This house was built for laser tag.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
