So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
