I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
