Duck Duck Cougar?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
