Your mouth is God's brothel.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
