i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
