cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
