With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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