just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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