Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
