he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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