chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
