If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
