He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
