As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
