the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
