My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
