: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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