Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
