is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
