So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
