I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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