Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
