you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
