Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
