im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
