Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
