I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
