so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
