I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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