If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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