my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
even my farts smell like vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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