i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
