NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
