I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
