Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im drinking this country out of the recession.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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