Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
