oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
