I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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