I wanna bring you to show and tell
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she told me i tasted like america
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Alive.
So much puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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