all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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