dude i'm inner monologue high
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
