Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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