She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
