"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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