I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
