Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
