my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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