My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
