is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
