So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lost the right to judge tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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